Too much information…well, maybe.....but it's your choice to keep on reading....
This is called “Survivor’s Journal” and I’m a survivor.
However, along the journey there are bumps, big ole pot holes, and blow-outs.
This is my journey and since I’m sharing it with you all in this form I’ll
share not only the triumphs but also challenges.
These days I’m working hard to keep smiling and to think
positively. I’ve been really sad for the last several weeks. We just passed the
two year anniversary of my Daddy’s death, in that same week I turned 45, my Mom
is not doing well, and it seems that everything I touch breaks.
I miss my Daddy so much. With all that is going on in my
life I so wish that Daddy was here to talk with me on the phone everyday. I
also wish I could visit him and take a walk with him in the forest all the
while listening to a funny story he had to tell. Being around my Daddy was very calming. I
wish he was here for my Mom. I miss him.
I talk to my Mom almost every day. Everyday she complains of being lonely. She’s
sad because I can’t just jump in the car and drive to Fort Payne
I know that I have a great life. I have the wonderful opportunity to work at something
I love. I have a wonderful family. I have
a sweet, happy daughter who loves me as much as I love her. I’ve done so much
and I’m proud of the art that I’ve made, the relationships that I have built, and the
lives I’ve touch through university teaching. But at 45 years old I struggle financially
because I chose a profession that I love but that is not lucrative. It makes me
sad.
In the last several months it has become apparent that I’m
going to have to buy a car, probably a vacuum cleaner, a laptop, and a
dishwasher. Kate’s mini-DVD player is also not working. I feel as if everything
I touch breaks. I feel overwhelmed…
But as I wallow in my negativity I cannot shake off the
positive energy that in essence I created. I sat Kate down last weekend. I
wanted to explain why I have been in such a bad mood; why I had shed so many
tears. I told Kate that I missed her Paw, that I was sad because I had turned
45 years old, and that we were going to have to buy a car so we would have to
only buy the things we really needed. We
needed to save money.
Kate sat there for a moment and then she reached over and
wiped my tears away with her tiny fingertips. She smiled as she looked me
straight in the eyes and said, “Mommy, well you know what you need to do? You
need to stop buying me so many presents.”
I said, “But I like to buy you things Kate.” Her eyes got wide and bright as she had this
idea and said, “Mommy, I know what I need to do! I’ll sell lemonade and juice.
I can make some money, Mommy!” I said, “Would you want to donate it to your
school or Shelby Emergency?” Kate said, “No Mommy. It would be for you. For
your new car.”
So…my journey may have bumps, holes, and flats but it also
has so much positive energy, love, unconditional love, that I cannot stay sad,
overwhelmed, and helpless for long!
